I know some people who might really need to read this. I used to to be one of those people- many years ago. I’m in my late 60s now, so I have lived a lot of years and absolutely I get what you’re saying and agree. I see it all the time with people expecting others to take their advice. I’ve learned to allow people to live the way they want to live, to be true to their own destiny. If we want to support them, we need to get out of the way and shift. We can just love them still, even if we disagree with their decisions. We can support them on their path even if it’s not a path we would have ever taken.
I needed to read this. I’m also someone who thinks I’m nurturing but realizing it might have been an ego problem of thinking I was smarter so therefore I knew better but I cannot know a persons life better than them. If you have any thoughts on how to set emotional/energetic boundaries to halt codependency , I would love to read that!
I loved this essay. It really made me think about my own experiences of parenting and being a parent, plus the other roles that I have in life where I have some systemic influence over others (i.e. they ask me what they should do). My gut response is always not to tell them, but it’s often a difficult line to tread. Can well meant ‘advice’ ever be useful, I wonder? With my children, I think I’m even more careful not to give direct advice, as a parent’s words seem to carry ten times more weight!
>Because in the end, we are the only ones we are stuck with for life, and until we sort out our relationship to self, we can’t be of full service to anyone.
I wonder though, if we've taken the time to do the necessary, deep work on ourselves and feel like we're in a good place, is there room to give back without infringing on other's ability to do the same?
I view part of the hero's journey after conquering your own dragon, getting closer to your fully illuminated self, to then be giving back. And doing so in a direct, 1:1 manner to those seeking guidance can be most effective but I eventually want to lift others up while still letting them fight their own battles and make their own mistakes.
Oof. This made me take a quick, uncomfortable look at myself. Made me think about all those times that I've freely given "advice" to other people and expected them to take it on immediately, all while failing to listen or take on the advice that I journal out for myself.
Perfect! I will share it.
I know some people who might really need to read this. I used to to be one of those people- many years ago. I’m in my late 60s now, so I have lived a lot of years and absolutely I get what you’re saying and agree. I see it all the time with people expecting others to take their advice. I’ve learned to allow people to live the way they want to live, to be true to their own destiny. If we want to support them, we need to get out of the way and shift. We can just love them still, even if we disagree with their decisions. We can support them on their path even if it’s not a path we would have ever taken.
thank you for your insightful and wise article !
Thank you for your beautiful reply!
I needed to read this. I’m also someone who thinks I’m nurturing but realizing it might have been an ego problem of thinking I was smarter so therefore I knew better but I cannot know a persons life better than them. If you have any thoughts on how to set emotional/energetic boundaries to halt codependency , I would love to read that!
I loved this essay. It really made me think about my own experiences of parenting and being a parent, plus the other roles that I have in life where I have some systemic influence over others (i.e. they ask me what they should do). My gut response is always not to tell them, but it’s often a difficult line to tread. Can well meant ‘advice’ ever be useful, I wonder? With my children, I think I’m even more careful not to give direct advice, as a parent’s words seem to carry ten times more weight!
i think about this so much.
we assume we can alter someone’s path with our words — but often times, the other person needs to learn those lessons on their own
I love this!
>Because in the end, we are the only ones we are stuck with for life, and until we sort out our relationship to self, we can’t be of full service to anyone.
I wonder though, if we've taken the time to do the necessary, deep work on ourselves and feel like we're in a good place, is there room to give back without infringing on other's ability to do the same?
I view part of the hero's journey after conquering your own dragon, getting closer to your fully illuminated self, to then be giving back. And doing so in a direct, 1:1 manner to those seeking guidance can be most effective but I eventually want to lift others up while still letting them fight their own battles and make their own mistakes.
I am obsessed with your writing! I can’t stop reading them ❤️ so relatable and enriching
Oof. This made me take a quick, uncomfortable look at myself. Made me think about all those times that I've freely given "advice" to other people and expected them to take it on immediately, all while failing to listen or take on the advice that I journal out for myself.