"Feeling unsafe puts you in your head: it forces you to analyze your surroundings, be constantly aware of how you are being perceived, to be in a state of seeking validation, acceptance, anything to soothe the unease. And that prevents you from existing naturally, vibing on your natural frequency—the way you do around people on the same wavelength as you!" This was so real. It is a feeling of non safety and hyper attunement to people and environment to make sure you're not stepping out of line. Because feeling validated is important, but not as important as being yourself and attracting like-minded people!
well said! non safety is a hyper attunement to others and a lack of attunement to yourself vs. safety feels like the opposite: you listen to and trust your own instincts before considering how others will react.
"Trust yourself: be who you are and amplify your signal. That’s how you find your people, and that’s how they find you."
I recently started 'revealing' more of my inner self on social media/through my own writing and have found this to be so true. The people who have reached out to me since then are people that heard my signal and RESONATED with it.
The connections that have followed far outweigh the perceived costs of amplifying my signal (ex: turning some people off, being 'cringey' etc). I loved how succinctly you described this.
When you are somewhere where you feel like you can’t be yourself—somewhere that gives rise to a subtle sense of being unsafe—you lose the ability to be fully present. You’re not at ease. Feeling unsafe puts you in your head: it forces you to analyze your surroundings, be constantly aware of how you are being perceived, to be in a state of seeking validation, acceptance, anything to soothe the unease.
When I read you I can somehow tell that your gap between internalizing what you learn and experience is very small. I am a fan of your work. You grow and I learn from your growth as you go. So thank you!
Very well said. The irony is, I got what you were saying within reading the first few sentences. Clicking on the same wavelength. The difficulty occurs when you are existing in a place that by its very geography, limits your ability to connect with those on your frequency. I live in a city that provides a very poor environment for the things that make me click: natural, outdoor beauty, and all of the activities such an environment creates: hiking, swimming, skiing, biking, etc. How does one overcome such an impediment to find others with whom to click? I can’t up and move, given my current familial obligations.
I’ve been in a state of unease, seeking acceptance and validation for over 25 years. On the surface, everything looked fine, and I couldn’t put my finger on what made me unhappy, why communicating was so difficult, and why home didn’t feel quite like I thought a home should. Next month, I am moving out to be on my own, to look within, to just be. I’ve been calling it “to come back to myself.” I just hope that being out of tune almost my entire adult life won’t prevent me from finding my frequency. Thank you for writing the article that put words to my experience.
Thanks for writing, quite the introspective piece. Two questions:
- Since discomfort stimulates growth, how does your philosophy of gravitating towards people that make you feel comfortable coexist with putting yourself in safe but uncomfortable situations?
- What role does 'nurture' play in finding your true wavelength? If your experiences shape who you are, what influence do past connections, however imperfect, have on shaping your wavelength and the people you subsequently click with?
I think I’ve only clicked with some people a few times but the people I feel closest too have taken lots of time and it wasn’t initially a click. Like school mates over time with continued trauma bonding you suddenly feel close to them after years, as a shell gradually unfolds. Is this a reason to be patient as a click may unravel over time?
It is beautifully written and made me finally understand why I always have better connections when I travel alone. It s because then I am fully myself, only engaging in what brings pleasure to me and only me. And people can feel that, feel that I am happy and perfectly at ease and being myself and they seek my company because the vibe on the same frequency. At home it is still difficult for me to show who I really am. I tend to hide and to exclude people in order not to be judged. Well, thanks for this piece.
"Feeling unsafe puts you in your head: it forces you to analyze your surroundings, be constantly aware of how you are being perceived, to be in a state of seeking validation, acceptance, anything to soothe the unease. And that prevents you from existing naturally, vibing on your natural frequency—the way you do around people on the same wavelength as you!" This was so real. It is a feeling of non safety and hyper attunement to people and environment to make sure you're not stepping out of line. Because feeling validated is important, but not as important as being yourself and attracting like-minded people!
well said! non safety is a hyper attunement to others and a lack of attunement to yourself vs. safety feels like the opposite: you listen to and trust your own instincts before considering how others will react.
"Trust yourself: be who you are and amplify your signal. That’s how you find your people, and that’s how they find you."
I recently started 'revealing' more of my inner self on social media/through my own writing and have found this to be so true. The people who have reached out to me since then are people that heard my signal and RESONATED with it.
The connections that have followed far outweigh the perceived costs of amplifying my signal (ex: turning some people off, being 'cringey' etc). I loved how succinctly you described this.
Genuinely in love with the style of writing. So captivating that I managed to read this to the end.
I have never written an essay but I feel more inspired than ever. Thank you very much for this. Worthwhile
"And those moments where you click with someone are precious. It’s like finding new family."
family is just the word. amazing piece right here, thank you
When you are somewhere where you feel like you can’t be yourself—somewhere that gives rise to a subtle sense of being unsafe—you lose the ability to be fully present. You’re not at ease. Feeling unsafe puts you in your head: it forces you to analyze your surroundings, be constantly aware of how you are being perceived, to be in a state of seeking validation, acceptance, anything to soothe the unease.
When I read you I can somehow tell that your gap between internalizing what you learn and experience is very small. I am a fan of your work. You grow and I learn from your growth as you go. So thank you!
Very well said. The irony is, I got what you were saying within reading the first few sentences. Clicking on the same wavelength. The difficulty occurs when you are existing in a place that by its very geography, limits your ability to connect with those on your frequency. I live in a city that provides a very poor environment for the things that make me click: natural, outdoor beauty, and all of the activities such an environment creates: hiking, swimming, skiing, biking, etc. How does one overcome such an impediment to find others with whom to click? I can’t up and move, given my current familial obligations.
I’ve been in a state of unease, seeking acceptance and validation for over 25 years. On the surface, everything looked fine, and I couldn’t put my finger on what made me unhappy, why communicating was so difficult, and why home didn’t feel quite like I thought a home should. Next month, I am moving out to be on my own, to look within, to just be. I’ve been calling it “to come back to myself.” I just hope that being out of tune almost my entire adult life won’t prevent me from finding my frequency. Thank you for writing the article that put words to my experience.
Thanks for writing, quite the introspective piece. Two questions:
- Since discomfort stimulates growth, how does your philosophy of gravitating towards people that make you feel comfortable coexist with putting yourself in safe but uncomfortable situations?
- What role does 'nurture' play in finding your true wavelength? If your experiences shape who you are, what influence do past connections, however imperfect, have on shaping your wavelength and the people you subsequently click with?
I think I’ve only clicked with some people a few times but the people I feel closest too have taken lots of time and it wasn’t initially a click. Like school mates over time with continued trauma bonding you suddenly feel close to them after years, as a shell gradually unfolds. Is this a reason to be patient as a click may unravel over time?
It is beautifully written and made me finally understand why I always have better connections when I travel alone. It s because then I am fully myself, only engaging in what brings pleasure to me and only me. And people can feel that, feel that I am happy and perfectly at ease and being myself and they seek my company because the vibe on the same frequency. At home it is still difficult for me to show who I really am. I tend to hide and to exclude people in order not to be judged. Well, thanks for this piece.